What Is Confidence?

Confidence is something that we all talk about in our lives, but what is it? How can we define it?

Confidence has been defined in many ways, but I see it as a spectrum. It begins with action, which leads to competence. Over time, this builds confidence and self-belief. However, getting started is often the hardest part. Even after taking the first step, it's easy to give up too soon without realising the progress you've already made.

To allow confidence to grow, you need patience, self-belief, and trust in your ability to get the job done. Take time to reflect along the way, as the small incremental gains from repeated actions often go unnoticed.

There are things I can do now that I couldn’t do last week, last year, or even 20 years ago. Activities that once terrified me, like public speaking and singing on stage, are now things that I look forward to. The same transformation is possible for you too!

With self-belief and consistent action, you can turn the impossible into the possible. Skills that seem out of reach today can eventually become areas where you excel. The more you practice and take action, the more your confidence will grow.

The Engine That Powers Action

In her Ted Talk, Brittany Packnett Cunningham said that “Confidence is the difference between being inspired & actually getting started.”

This is so true in many aspects of life. Without the confidence to take action, you can easily get stuck, letting opportunities slip away.

Let’s have a look at an example.

Imagine you're about to finish school and dream of a career in marketing. You know the competition for university programs, graduate programs and jobs is intense. Looking around, everyone seems so much more confident, with impressive work experience to match. It feels overwhelming, and your inner voice starts whispering, "What’s the point?"

This is the moment to step back and reflect on what you bring to the dance. Think about your unique skills, knowledge, and experiences that set you apart. These are your strengths, and they can make a real difference.

Get a notebook or open a notes app now and start listing the things you CAN do! By focusing on your strengths, you can begin to show up as your authentic self. Talk confidently about the areas where you excel or the life experiences that have given you valuable transferable skills.  Shift your mindset to what you can do, not what you can't - and OWN IT!

Be proud of what you've achieved so far. Share your experiences with others, and use them as a foundation to build on. Let your confidence propel you forward as you take that first step in your career.

I Can Make It Happen

“It is confidence in our bodies, minds and spirits that allows us to keep looking for new adventures.” Oprah Winfrey

I love this quote because it says anything is possible and that is what confidence is for me. Approaching life with a sense of wonder about all the possibilities, believing that you ‘CAN’ achieve anything. Throwing the ‘can’t’ in the bin and truly believing that you can create the life that you want and having the resilience to face any challenges that present themselves.

Overconfidence

Of course there are times when overconfidence can lead to disaster. History is littered with examples of how things have gone badly wrong when decision makers, companies and individuals have overestimated themselves.

That is why learning and accepting your limitations and weaknesses is a strength.

It also keeps you humble. For example, when preparing for exams, you may feel super confident and think you have mastered a subject, so you skip revising. But, on exam day, an unexpected stressful journey to school or tricky, unfamiliar wording of an exam question can throw you off. You panic, and your performance suffers because the questions focus on areas you've just realised aren't your strongest.

That is why it's crucial to focus on what you can control.

Accept that you won't know everything and that there will always be room for improvement. Instead of seeing areas of weakness as limitations, see them as opportunities for growth. You can address these areas by studying harder, getting extra support or adopting a pragmatic approach to the exams by locking in key areas of the specification.

By adopting this mindset, you can reduce stress and build the confidence needed to perform at your best on the day of your exam.

Low Confidence

Sadly, there are many people out there that struggle with their confidence. Who don’t believe they are good enough.

Unfortunately, we live in a society where these feelings get reinforced all the time on social media, the news, and through advertising. We are told that we need to be thinner, look younger or have more followers.

I saw an advert the other day from Dove that stated the major issue of younger people using filters and trying to get surgery because they don’t like how they look compared to other people on social media.

Experiences and poor habits can also lead to a lack of confidence. For example, I used to struggle with public speaking because when I was at school people used to laugh and be silly when I was doing presentations. I now know that was just kids being kids, but it caused issues well into my adult years.

But, the great thing about confidence is that it can come back and even soar.

Practical Ways To Build Confidence

Confidence is not something that we are born with, and it can vary in its level over time. However, there are things we can do to develop our confidence and nurture it.

How to Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

Easier said than done, right? As humans we naturally compare ourselves to others. Often, we do it subconsciously. But if you start noticing feelings of lack or envy when you see other people, it is time to take a step back.

This can be especially difficult when you're constantly bombarded by images of people ‘living their best lives’ on social media. Remember, this is all carefully curated content. It doesn’t show the bigger picture––the struggles, uncertainties, insecurities, or the true reality of the person who posted it.

So, take social media ‘content’ with a pinch of salt and focus more on your reality instead.

Be grateful for your skills, knowledge, experience and quirks that make you uniquely you.

Embrace your values and focus on the things that truly make you happy. That will guide you forwards and help block out the noise of socials.

If you find yourself saying things like ‘they are more popular/successful/handsome/rich than me” ask yourself:

• How do you know?

• What evidence do you have?

• And, would being any of those things make you happier? How?

Oh…and my personal favourite is actually taking the time to compare yourself to yourself?

• What can I do today that I couldn’t do last year?

• What areas have I recently improved in?

• What am I most proud of in the past week/month/year?

• In what area could I improve? What actions could I take to make that happen?

I'm currently working towards a goal of completing a sub-20-minute 5K run. Considering that, as of last May, I hadn’t run in over 20 years, this is quite a challenge! But I'm confident I'll succeed.

I am focusing on activities that support my personal growth, such as training and nutrition. I'm also being realistic with my expectations and using faster runners as role models––not people to envy––because, ultimately, we're all on different journeys.

When it comes to your goals, stay in your lane. Focus on what truly matters to you and enjoy the journey. Celebrate your wins along the way, and learn from the moments that don’t go as planned.

Why not get started today?

What's one thing you've always wanted to learn or do? And, what's one small step you can take today to get started?

Be Your Own Cheerleader

Once you've started your activity, it's important to learn how to be your own cheerleader. Challenges and doubts are inevitable, and what I call ‘the mind monkeys’ will start chattering in your head, telling you that you can’t do it!

This negative self-talk can significantly impact your confidence. It can make you feel smaller ,and your dreams may start to seem impossible. That's when self-esteem drops. and stress and anxiety levels rise. Words like "never", "can’t" and "just" reflect a lack of confidence and self-belief.

Pay attention to how your body reacts when you use these words to describe yourself or your actions.

Does your voice get quieter? Does your body language become defensive?

I know it does for me, which is why I've taught myself to be mindful of the language I use. Instead of negative phrases, I choose empowering ones like:

• I am proud of what I have achieved.

• I can do this

• I am making progress

• I can’t do it yet

That last one is especially powerful! By adding the simple three-letter word "yet" to the end of the sentence, you open yourself up to the possibility of growth and learning, rather than slamming the door on it.

For example, I am currently studying Spanish, and I find it challenging. I can’t speak Spanish fluently yet, but I'm making steady progress and growing more confident every day. With more practice, I'm sure I'll become fluent and be able to hold conversations in Spanish.

Do you see how this language is honest yet full of possibilities?

Why not give it a try? What's something you can’t you do yet? What can you do today to get started?

Start At The Beginning and Then Keep Going

Have you ever found yourself saying, "I have no idea how to get started?"

I know I have! Starting a new task can feel overwhelming and drain a lot of mental energy. But there are ways to make it easier. A great place to start is by reading Atomic Habits by James Clear (check out this link to see a video about it).

This awesome book has helped me start and finish many activities with confidence. One of the key lessons from it is how to break tasks into micro-tasks. For example, if you have a load of revision to do, you can break it down like this:

1. pick up your iPad or notebook

2. open it

3. read 5 pages

4. make notes

5. review

As you complete each micro-task, tick it off your to-do list. Before you know it, you'll have made momentum.

This momentum boosts your confidence in your ability to get the work done. That confidence will push you forwards as you move onto the next stage.

Combine this approach with consistent practice, and you'll develop competence. From there, confidence will naturally flow into other areas of your life.

Think about a task that you need to complete or an ambitious goal you've set for yourself. Work backward from the end result and identify all the steps you need to take to achieve it. Break it down until you reach the very first step, which could literally be picking up a pen! Once you know where to start, take action and keep going until you reach your goal!

Trust me––once you start ticking items on your list, you'll feel more confident about smashing your goal. You'll lean into your existing skills while learning and developing new ones along the way.

Be Realistic With Your Expectations

When you start something new––or even before we begin––it's natural to worry about the results or doubt your ability to succeed. This feeling is often made worse if you've set a goal that's unrealistic or unattainable at this stage of your life.

Similarly, vague or undefined goals, like, "I want to get fit," "I want to pass my English exam," or "I want to run a marathon," don't provide the clarity needed to take meaningful action.

What helps is being realistic and using SMART goals. SMART stands for:

• Specific

• Measurable

• Attainable

• Relevant

• Time-bound

Here is how you can use SMART goals to stay focused.

Remember my running goal? It's achievable, and I believe I can accomplish it by the end of the year. However, if I were to say, "I want to run a marathon next week," I'd likely fail–– and possibly injure myself in the process.

Training for a marathon takes time, and my longest distance so far is 10k. With my current fitness level, running a marathon would be a real struggle. First, I need to consistently complete 10ks and half-marathons before progressing to marathon-level training.

Right now, I am not sure I want to do a marathon. Instead, I've set a realistic goal: to complete by first half-marathon in Norway next year. Here is how that looks as a SMART goal:

SMART Goal: I will complete a half-marathon by July 2027.

I can now create a structured training program. With each run, I'll receive valuable feedback from my body and adjust my training accordingly. Over time, I'll grow more confident in running longer distances. As the event approaches, I'll set a specific goal for my desired finish time.

One thing I know for sure is that I am going to have fun no matter what––and I encourage you to do the same.

Set challenging goals with realistic time frames, and then commit to the practice.

What goals do you have? What would you like to achieve?

Create a SMART goal for yourself and then get to work!

Remember, developing a new skill takes time. Approach it with a playful attitude and a willingness to learn. Over time, you'll find your groove and smash your goals.

Show Up As You and Celebrate Your Awesomeness

Celebrate who you are, never apologise it. Keep moving forward, no matter what challenges come your way.

Remind yourself every day: I've got this!

Then go and make it happen...with confidence and a smile on your face!

Do you need a confidence boost for your exam, a job interview or another area of your life? Contact me today to book a chat and discover how mentoring can help you smash your goals.